Written a long time back....completed last nite

I am depressed! Come to think of it, I have more than enough reasons to be a happy person, but even more reasons to be depressed.
I wish to die in peace. I lie with in the four glass walls of society, painting a picture of happiness on the outside, pondering upon the myth if existence in a flickering candle’s light. [On reading this again later, I wonder how can anyone possibly paint the outside wall staying inside?]

I wonder why I even wrote all this in the first place. May be I was trying to put the confusion in my head in words, but it paints a sad picture. It is like this, 75% of my brain is vulnerable, 25% is fixed with basic stuff like what I learnt, my contacts and other basic ‘can’t forget’ information. Of the 75%, 70% is confused and 5% is of thoughts that wander. Sometimes the 5% takes over or the 70% is also utilised by the 5%. (Think memory allocation!) So…, the 70% that is confused because of reasons to be happy and reasons to be sad. And I am a person who does not need a particular reason for either. By the way, I have observed that, my sleepy face and my sad face look the same (well, I do have just one face!). Now everyone else is confused. This is my problem I figured. I either convince or confuse and I am reasonably good at both I have been told.

On another thought, someone I know said that my perception of male-female friendship is bad. I seem to be narrow-minded and therefore misunderstand this aspect. I need a revamp or go through an overhaul. This is the second time I have been said this and by the same person. Some thing is majorly wrong. I have mostly guy friends, and have been in male company for a great part of my life, do I not understand when people are friends? Do I need to look beyond myself and go through a course on how not to use your common understanding? I need help on this one and humbly request you to leave a comment/scrap/ping me on what you think about this issue. Would be greatly appreciated.

On yet another note, a bad girl on her way to matrimony asked me when I was planning to take the bait. As sweet as she is, she even offered to speak to my mom! Me being me, wouldn’t bother waste my time on the likes of a commitment. I shall continue dreaming about the perfect romance, but in real nothing is perfect! Zareen one day while chatting said about marriage, “ the lucky folks found someone with whom they wanna grow old with, who can understand each other… who make a beautiful ‘us’ ”.Then she said something that Rahul Bhansali has said before. People get into predictive mode at times and I am more than happy to hear good things! Although the chance of ther predictions coming true is zero or even sub zero. Anyways, why do people talk about marriage at all the wrong times. When I am least bothered, mom brings it up, and when I am interested she is not : ) (Seriously!!!). Or people bring up the topic just after you come out of the theatre after watching 300! Guess no one has heard about the concept of relativity. Am sure John Abraham and Upen Patel will be ashamed and Salman will just put in more effort!!! 300 Men showing their chiselled (no clue if it is digital or hard work) bodies, portraying 300 Spartan warriors. Could I ask for more? OK, I know I sound a tad too desperate, but they really look damn good. I never liked history and always wanted to go way back in time so I don’t need to study the subject. And if they were as they are portrayed I really don’t mind being guinea pig to a time machine experiment- I volunteer!!!

PS Koti and Vivek, thanks for the concern.