War of the Worlds!

A very touchy topic indeed. Not something like the two worlds that I wrote about earlier. This is about the gender war. The world of the man and the world of the woman! OK… So some of you, (my gang, the gang!) would actually question my thoughts or the validity of thoughts from the female (emotional) perspective. Never have I been treated like a girl by them for them to believe that I actually think like a woman! [like!?!?!]

It is not really a debate but more of a comparison of both the worlds. I may be wrong, but who cares, it’s just some of my observations and inferences.

1> It is being widely accepted that men do gossip, and sometimes it is much more interesting than ladies gossip.
2> Women can categorise well. And if I am a specimen for a research, it can be proved that oestrogen has nothing to do with this. I guess being with girls is what the contributing factor is. Everything falls in categories. Set theory also applies [wonder why women hate math anyway!]. Men on the other hand have well defined categories. E.g. Socks, is just socks! Not ankle socks, finger socks, or stockings... Ok I admit defeat! I would rather label all of it socks myself, but definitely co-ordinate them when I wear them.
3> Men are colour blind! They have the basic 7 colours of the rainbow in mind. Women can even plot a Karnaugh map. (I still have to define mauve in the map!).
4> Women shop longer and in larger quantities. Reasons for this is when you have too many choices you definitely get muddled decisions. Besides the look, colour, pattern, texture and make etc… imagine how many permutations and combinations this gives. And men are not all that quick either. Well they do have limited choices and all that, but with limited resources if they take so long, sigh! Well basically everyone gets confused shopping! :) Another reason is that men have costlier shopping. While a woman can fix an entire ensemble in 1000rupees and man can probably get a decent shirt and tie! Even Tantra and barking dog t-shirts are difficult to choose form!
5> Humour. Most of the jokes, the ones with the entire pun (*big grin*), 90% of the women don’t understand. The rest of the lot are mostly perverts, like yours truly, and they get almost all kinds of jokes. I can’t help but mention that I had a good laugh when I saw the commercial of the girl digging into her back pack at the waiting lounge ;) Basically most of us just need a reason to laugh! And oh yes, the male junta does have a huge collection of good and bad jokes!
6> Women have some worldly pleasures (sometimes painful) that we have to indulge/sit thru for not being labelled uncouth by other women. While men may come across (they really do at times) as disgustingly dirty sometimes, they love to pamper themselves. These days our cine stars and the who’s who of pg3 are setting a trend – the qualities of the metro male! [It would be an interesting argument – if they can get away with doing girly things, so should we when we don’t do things the girly way]
7> Men do watch sitcoms and soaps. So it’s not just cricket or football but what we call ‘serials’ too. And oh yes, it happens in private. If another homosapien enters the room, then it is channel swapping. Women can be broadly classified as [read ‘broadly classified’ with special effects, I am after all female] ones with functional brains and bimbos. Simple fool proof test, specimens from the first group read the newspaper back to back and the ones from the latter define the newspaper as Hyderabad times or the metro plus. And I have not really come across more than two women who read the business world or the economist or the competition success.
8> Having fun: This has been such a difficult area for me. Not describing what the gang did for fun. Gals on the other hand, do window shopping, bird watching (which don’t mind at all), chill out over coffee and catch all the gossip (guys do this too) or just go to the spa/saloon with the entire gal gang. While with the gals at the movies, you don’t comment, or whistle and remember to sob, when anyone on screen sobs. Some guys also expect the same.
9> Men and women think completely different. If I explain it, most of the guys will come down to hyd to deal with me and moreover our society is not too very open minded, neither am I very verbose so most of it would be outright obscenity. But it takes just the right line of thought for both the worlds to please each other.
10> Well, the emotional quotient closely associated with this is also pretty complex. Well, those who fall in love can be ‘classified’ as dumb and dumber. The ones who don’t do not qualify. This applies to both the sexes. Dumb that they fall in love, no matter how much they realise it is a lot of time and money invested. Dumber are those people, who I personally know a few, still believe in the love letters soaked in blood or feel there is no life without the one you think you are in love with. There obviously can’t be a dumbest as this whole theory is baseless if not for the concept of relativity. One class determines the dumbness of the other or non-dumbness. Given that, the comparison between men and women is less relative. Both of them fall in love (saxophones playing in the background ala main hoon na style). Then the man still stays in this stage, no matter what the stage of the relationship is. The woman gets over the song and dream phase and gets more practical. 6 months after graduation from the first phase, man still stays ‘possessed’ (no matter what sun sign they are, they are romantic, blindly and foolishly in matter of the heart).the woman sees no scope for improvement and realises that she needs a ‘man’ and not ‘a love struck pet pup’, thus ends up dumping the relationship. And then goes ahead and gossips about her ex to her gal friends. While Mr. Ex goes around advocating that girls are heartless and very opportunistic. This scenario can happen even the other way around. Oh, and given the modern times, I wish I could write about the other side of the world, but I have no insight into it.

All of a sudden, due to the over exposure of homosapiens of the same gender, I seem to be loosing some of my super powers! Using categories and classifications and cleaning up a li’l, my cupboard is still a mess though! And I am as much of a pervert as I was before : ) I haven’t as yet started blackmailing people emotionally. Three months before 95% of my friends were male, now it has reversed. I hope I am alert enough to send am SOS to my space ship before it gets too late and I don’t get to enjoy the benefits of both the worlds.